K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
