Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
soo... how was my night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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