i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
