jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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