You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think your dad took our porno
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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