he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
