This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dear god my vagina.
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