Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
