you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Boobs are out for the taking
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You ruined the universe
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
