dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
