I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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