Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
