last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
