So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There r osticjed everywhere
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
