Sry I called you an 8
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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