Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
