I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up under a house in Key West
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