??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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