i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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