Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
