we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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