the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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