this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
