He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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