What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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