I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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