Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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