my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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