tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
