My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
