I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
