billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
