we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
