the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
