Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My penis needs a shock collar
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
