he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He felt like a one man threesome
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize