this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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