He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
