Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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