PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
