He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
