I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
