is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
