I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
