She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
