One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
