No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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