tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
