Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize