Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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