i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
