how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize