so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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