He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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