Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
