I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
