So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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