I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
