Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
