This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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