Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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