Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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