"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
