I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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