id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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