I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
