I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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