that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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