Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
