Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
