i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
