Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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