Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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