have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
