and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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