Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
