she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
