"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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