so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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