Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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