I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
