I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
