im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
