Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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