i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
